Alan
Got pure punched man…26.05.09
So enjoying my 9th beverage of the evening, when a gentleman (when i say gentleman i mean fucking cunt nob-end wank-stain twat arsehole) sitting near us, began shouting at one of my friends. The shouting lasted for approximately 2.5 seconds before he threw a 4 move hook-jab combo. At which point myself and my other mate attempted to…. OH! I’m in the medical room.
Turns out this caveman cunt-head was an amateur boxer. Oh yeah, he was also about 6’4”, which is a full 2.5 feet taller than me. I say ‘was’ an actual boxer since the cunting faggot is getting done on double assault charges and will now lose his license.
Anyway, I retired to bed where I slipped into a coma. I woke up resting my head on a pillow that I could have sworn was pale blue when I went to bed; not blue with nice red patterns all over it.
I opened my eyes to see if there was someone hitting my cheek with a hammer, but there wasn’t. Just felt like it. I then puked what looked like chewed up salad leaves; except they were black. I’m guessing it was mouldy blood swallowed from night before.
I then discovered that all my teeth in one side of my mouth were numb. I didn’t really fancy that, so I decided to go down to A&E, (the ER for the yanks). Thankfully, it was really quiet and it only took 6 hours to get a doctor to poke my face and tell me the big nerve in my face is damaged and my face will stay numb for a month or so. I asked him if he needed to poke my arse as well but he said no.
During my wait I began pissing with sweat and puked a few times – it looked and tasted like lemon fairy liquid. I also heard the male nurse call “Jacqueline McCafferty!”. Basically the same fucking person.
Pure shiner. I’ve realised that a blackeye is a good way to tell the social class of a person. Walking down the street…
…Working Class people – will give a quiet look of respect. A ‘kudos’.
…Middle Class people – will frown upon you. Disgustedly.
…Upper Class people – will cross the road.
I bet this story is TOTALLY backwards and it was in fact you that started the trouble and this was teh result… the guy fully hammered you depsite you thinking you were the hardman and starting all the shit.
Yeah, that is actually true. I went up to him and said – “Square G”, and then he knocked me out.
Its amazing what you can do with makeup…it almost looks real! Imagine it really happened though. That would have sucked. Good thing it didnt.
“At which point myself and my other mate attempted to…. OH! I’m in the medical room.”
I lolrofled.
Sore one btw.
haha! brendan. Best part is, that really is how i remember it! Apparently i didn’t get knocked down though – i just staggered away! It would only have been a technical knock out. haha!
I like the fact that as horrible and shitty this story is, somehow that high-contrast photo, 2nd from the bottom, looks like someone’s MySpace pic.
There must be some advantage to having a numb face for a month…
…he wont wake up when Im….nevermind.
Hahahahaha! All those bumps and bruises actually make him look EVEN more like your background photo alien!!
You’re almost all the way there Alan!! Now you just need massive jet black eyes and you’re a full-blown extra terrestrial!
The only advantage to having a numb face is that now I have an excuse for dribbling everywhere….whilst eating, at mikes last post, at mike, outside the playpark etc…
As for looking even more alien like, why do you think i deliberately got beat up? duh!